Matt Soper, a radio announcer with Victoria's Jack FM, walked into his doctor's office on Friday armed with crowdsourced one-liners and recorded every ripple of emotion that unfolded during the short procedure.
Here's how it all started:
I'm getting a vasectomy today. Since It's 2014, I'm suppose to live tweet it right? #SoperSniped
— Matt Soper (@SoperRadio) August 14, 2014In the waiting room, waiting for my vasectomy, and Bryan Adams "Cuts like a Knife" is playing. Is this real life? #wellplayed #SoperSniped
— Matt Soper (@SoperRadio) August 14, 2014Should I tell the doctor I used a fresh bar of Irish Spring down there just for him this morning, or is that weird? #SoperSniped
— Matt Soper (@SoperRadio) August 14, 2014He did tell the doctor. His response? "That's kind of you."
He has to shave me first. This will be the first time anybody else has shaved any part of me. Wish it wasn't my balls first.. #SoperSniped
— Matt Soper (@SoperRadio) August 14, 2014But not everyone was amused with what was happening.
I just lost a follower. That person did not enjoy #SoperSniped
— Matt Soper (@SoperRadio) August 14, 2014The vasectomy small talk continued.
Me as I'm getting undressed "man....it sure is cold in here huh doc...." Doc "I've heard that before" #SoperSniped
— Matt Soper (@SoperRadio) August 14, 2014It's happening, goodbye my little Michael Phelps #SoperSniped pic.twitter.com/EF1VXba8cM
— Matt Soper (@SoperRadio) August 14, 2014"Oh, ah! That needle did not feel good," Soper said.
Sweet Jesus, they use a soddering iron at one point, and it smells awful... #SoperSniped
— Matt Soper (@SoperRadio) August 14, 2014Doc "here's a tiny bandaid for the area" Me "you mean a BIG band aid for the area... *Doc rolls his eyes* #SoperSnipped
— Matt Soper (@SoperRadio) August 14, 2014Soper continued to crack jokes throughout the procedure. He even came up with a new slogan for the good doctor to use for his practice: "We'll make you a Sunkist, all juice, no seeds," he quipped.
All done! Me "are you going to buy me dinner after? Doc "sure, I'll meet you at Red Robin" What a gem #SoperSnipped
— Matt Soper (@SoperRadio) August 14, 2014Doc "you're pretty white down there, think about tanning" This guy is awesome #SoperSnipped
— Matt Soper (@SoperRadio) August 14, 2014Turns out, a vasectomy can really make you sweat.
Was so nervous, heres the bed afterwards! Sweated more than Donald Sterling at a Wu-Tang show #Topical #SoperSnipped pic.twitter.com/crSsB1gNt9
— Matt Soper (@SoperRadio) August 14, 2014Doc "come back in 2 months, and we'll see your a sperm count. The more you use it, the better" Me "Can you tell my wife that?" #SoperSnipped
— Matt Soper (@SoperRadio) August 14, 2014He wasn't given a lollipop at the end, but Soper did manage to get a selfie.
Finally, it only seemed appropriate, selfie with the Vasectomy doctor afterwards #ThanksDoc #SoperSnipped pic.twitter.com/ZYbT4k2SEp
— Matt Soper (@SoperRadio) August 14, 2014At home, he was given a cool gift.
My wife bought me a present, how sweet #SoperSnipped pic.twitter.com/aWa3MjOT5y
— Matt Soper (@SoperRadio) August 14, 2014Which he put straight to use.
Who wants to come over to my house this weekend for dinner? I'm serving roast, and peas... #SoperSnipped pic.twitter.com/ep9l6xtDUl
— Matt Soper (@SoperRadio) August 14, 2014Um, maybe next time.
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